Ingrid and Ilona It’s never too early to start talking about sex with your kids. This may sound odd at first, but there is no avoiding the topic. From a young age, kids recognize the difference between boys and girls, and soon after they start to question why there are differences. At an appropriate time, you should talk to your kids about their bodies and how they function. This should satisfy their curiosity for a few years, but what do you do when they become teens?
As puberty hits, it’s time to talk to your kids about sex and reproduction. This is the basis for establishing healthy sexual relationships in the future, so it’s important to talk to them before they’re exposed to pornographic images and videos where sex is often presented in an unhealthy way.
The truth is, while sex can be an uncomfortable topic, you shouldn’t shy away from discussing it with your kids. It’s important for young people to feel confident and knowledgeable about sex, including what to expect and what to do if they think something’s happening that they are uncomfortable with. Some parents may be unsure about how to approach these topics with their teens, but experts say the best way to ensure your teen is safe and healthy is to start the conversation as soon as you can. So, what should the teens know about sex?
Biology
The first topic to discuss is pretty basic, and you should remember it from biology lessons at school. When sex is approached from a scientific angle, it removes any inappropriate information that isn’t yet necessary.
Girls first need to know about menstruation (periods) and breast growth. They should know that periods are nothing to be scared of, and as soon as they experience their first one, it’s ok to ask for help. They should have a pack of tampons or pads ready to go in case they want to deal with their first period alone, but period products can be confusing, so it’s a good idea to explain how they work and how to keep things clean and hygienic. Meanwhile, breast growth can occur suddenly and can even be painful. Make sure your daughter has comfortable bras to start wearing and make sure they know that breast size is not important, even if girls are comparing in the changing room!
For boys, the main things they need to know about are erections, wet dreams, and penis size. Boys going through puberty can get unwanted erections at any time, which can be embarrassing and inconvenient, but it’s important to let them know that they’re normal and even adult men get them. Morning wood is also common, as are wet dreams. At this stage, boys need to know how to clean themselves up after a wet dream to keep their bedding and foreskin hygienic. Finally, penis size is something many boys worry about, but you should help them to understand that the size of their penis makes no difference to its function, and whilst some boys in the changing rooms might have bigger penises, it’s important for them to realize that soft penis size does not correlate with hard penis size.
Sexuality
The next topic to discuss soon after is sexuality. Studies show that the younger children are exposed to different sexualities, the more comfortable they are in their own sexuality when they get older. It’s important to talk to your kids about sexuality before you talk to them about reproduction so as not to imply that reproduction is part of sex for everyone.
Often, children will have an idea of their sexuality before they reach their teens, so talking to them might help them to realize who they’re interested in. The media presents sexuality in a heteronormative way, so the only sexuality your kids may have been exposed to in life may be straight. This can be confusing for children with an interest in the same gender, so it can be beneficial to discuss the various options.
For kids with an interest in the opposite gender, discussing sexuality is also useful. It helps them to understand that there are other sexualities, making them a more accepting person when they get older.
Reproduction
Finally, it’s time to talk about reproduction and the act of having sex. This should be talked about before your teen first engages in sexual activity, as it is important for their physical and mental health. Consent is the major issue to approach, with both parties needing to say a verbal “yes” before engaging in sexual activity. Pornography does not show this vital part of sex, so if your teen has only been exposed to sex on the internet, they need to understand that real sex is not the same.
Teens should also understand that sexual activity can have consequences. With heterosexual sex, this consequence is obviously a baby and STIs. For non-heterosexual sex, having a baby is not a worry, but STIs still need to be considered. To prevent both types of sex, a condom is the best method. You may want to give your teen a pack of condoms in case they need them, and whilst the pill can also prevent conception in heterosexual sex, it won’t protect against STIs.
Sex education is important. It’s vital that teens are given accurate information about all aspects of sex, and that includes sexuality, how safer sex works, and how to find support should they feel like they’re struggling with their changing bodies. Talking to your kids about sex can be uncomfortable or awkward, but it needn’t be if you approach it a step at a time!
